The Ahimsa Superhero

The Ahimsa Traveling Superhero

It is always a wonderful, yet slightly stressful situation to travel. Not only do you have to deal with the mess at the airport, but you also have to deal with sick people, angry people, drunk people, stinky people, and, well, just people (your self included). And this small toil becomes even greater when you have any type of dietary restriction because it isn’t always possible to get food where you go.

This being my very first year as a traveling yogi, and committed as I am to remaining ahimsa as far as eating a vegetarian diet to stay healthy, it has been an interesting experience to say the least.

The easy part was calling the airline and ordering a special menu for the long flights. I also took some other yogi’s advise into consideration and opted to bring my own snacks in case I got hungry and/or ended up in a place where nothing was available for me to consume. Nothing really complicated or stressful about it, as, thankfully, in many places in Europe, there are now more and more vegetarian options on the menu, which was very helpful, and for the places that didn’t have these options, well, there is always the standard salad to munch on, which is great.

But as the trip went on, I was about to be taught a lesson on ahimsa towards others, as well as (ironically enough, because I have been trying to get a yoga class ready about this topic) learning how to be a superhero for others.

On the third day of this amazing adventure that my family and I have been blessed to be able to embark upon, we were invited to the home of a very dear friend. We have made it a tradition of sorts, in fact, to always stop by her place when we visit the lovely St Petersburg because she is an amazingly gifted chef, and because she is also the sweetest human being you will ever meet.

So, I woke up knowing I would eat some fish (as fish is a big part of Russian cooking, and typically the main, superb dish at this lovely abode) and was at peace and happy with it. I was very excited to be going back to our friend’s house for some lovely company and yummy food.

As expected, the house was as lovely as I remembered, and our dearest, dearest friend was so very happy to see us J (I can assure your, we were just as happy to see her after so many years). It was hard not to smile and laugh, really. We all talked a while, and then proceeded to the table where this master of the kitchen had prepared the most beautiful banquet for us. It was a joy to simply hear her talk about how she had prepared the food, and how long it had taken her, or how much love she had put into every little detail. And as she begins serving the first course (a traditional sour soup) the thought that the soup might have been made with some kind of animal broth came to mind, but was quickly dismissed as our hostess told the story of the Russian soup, and then, the dreaded words no vegetarian, vegan, or ovo-lacto-pescetarian wants to hear… “It has pork” came out.

My heart dropped to the floor. My stomach churned with dislike, and my poor, poor mind was being torn apart. I can’t really explain what went on in my mind. All I can think to say is that all at once, I was in panic mode. Thinking about how I am Jewish and I haven’t had pork since I was six or seven, how I haven’t had meat in ten months, how I am allergic! to pork (not a break out into hives kind of allergy, but a, puke like crazy, get a migraine kind of allergy, which to me is just as bad, since my migraines tend to be horrid). I was simply a mess. A hot, stressed out mess. And I had a matter of seconds to make a choice. I could break my friend’s heart (mind you, she spend all her time, money, effort and love to prepare this banquet, and it was a banquet, just for us… she went out of her way in more ways than I could ever explain in mere words to do this for us) or, I could realize that there was another opportunity for me to be ahimsa toward someone I love. To be a “superhero” for someone who needed a different type of rescuing in her own home.

I looked at my mom (who was also mortified, as her Jewish nature was taking hold as well) I looked at my husband, who looked at me, pleading not to break her heart, and finally, I looked to my brother, who very calmly told me to take out the chunks of piggy off my plate.

Yes, the whole thing had me freaking out bad. And, although everything happened in a matter of seconds, it felt like a lifetime to me. I literally, somehow, had time to think about which ahimsa would be most important, and why. I had time to look at the whole situation through other people’s eyes, and after feeling all the love and all the care our friend had put into the whole thing, I smiled, took the actual meat chunks out of my plate, and ate the typical Russian soup.

I can see how this whole ordeal would make absolutely no sense to most people. In fact, by most people’s standards, I am being a whinny, crazy, drama queen who needs to get off her high horse and simply deal with life. But to someone like my mom (who by the way was also a superwoman this evening by eating the non-kosher soup with a smile on her face… man I love my mom, the woman is so brave) or like myself, this whole ordeal was simply beyond anything we ever imagined, or wanted to endure.

However, what I can say for the both of us; is that we love our friend so much, we were highly aware of what a refusal would have meant. We realized there are different ways of being kind, non-violent, pure, loving, and super.

Sure, the idea was killing us a bit, and lets not even talk about how our stomachs felt, but our souls and hearts were beyond fine; they were uplifted.

We were happy; felt honored, and had saved the day one more time.

It’s amazing what one can learn from life, if one is openhearted enough to learn.

One root of the tree has many ways to feed the whole tree.

OM SHANTI, SHANTI, SHANTI

Mochi Love

Hello all! :)
Wanted to share this delicious breakfast recipe with everyone. It is super delicious, healthy, and will hold hunger at bay for a while ;)

What you will need:
1pack of Mochi [flavor of your choice] (you can buy it at whole foods)
6 Strawberries
6  grapes
Dash of cinnamon
1/4 cupCoconut Milk
1 tbsp Honey
[*Note:Dash of tumeric and ginger (if you want to boost the immune system, or if you have a cold)]

What to do:
(This is the best part. It is super simple)

Gut the mochi into small squares (about 2 to 3 inches is good) and then place the pieces on a waffle maker. While the mochi molds and bakes away in your waffle maker, mix the strawberries, grapes, cinnamon, coconut milk and honey in a blender, magic bullet, etc. (anything that will blend). When the mochi is cooked, take out of waffle maker and drizzle the fruity sauce over it.

That's it!!!! Enjoy :)

The Not So Perfect, Wonderful Day

Ever have one of those days when every little thing seems to be completely and utterly ANNOYING?
Yeah, well, I was having one of those today.
To start with, I was harshly awakened by my overly loving dog, who decided to step all over me and then proceeded to nibble my nose (not bite, mind you, just nibble it enough to wake me up) and then continued to push my face around until I finally gave up, and led her to the backyard so she could take care of business while I tried to come back to life.
When I finally let her back in, I promptly discovered she was totally caked in dirt. So I took a deep breath and washed her up (or tried to wash her while she freaked and scratched me, a lot).
I then went to cook breakfast and managed (not that this is too uncommon by the way) to cut my finger! Thankfully, the cut wasn't too bad, so I simply washed it and moved on... except, two seconds later, I cut another finger :(.
I was running late to drop the crazy, yet lovely dog off so I could make it in time to teach my a.m. restorative yoga class and I got every red light, got cut off by rude people, and managed to hit a curb. [By now, I am having to seriously remind my-self to be present, be open to grace, and not kill anyone]
I finally dropped the little dog off, and ran to the class.
I hit traffic (of course) and suddenly began to laugh. Not a psychotic, "oh, boy, she has cracked" kind of laugh, but a genuine, "this is too funny not to laugh" kind of laugh and I felt great. I was aware of the throbbing on my cut fingers, and the one on the gash my dog left on my shoulder when I was washing her dirty self and I was highly aware of the jerk behind me, who refused to stop tailgating me; and somehow, the simple act of taking a step back, and opening up to grace had changed everything.
I was feeling lighter, happier, and just peaceful. And then, I arrived at the studio and realized I had left the house with out any shoes!!! My face quickly turned red with chagrin, but my head went "Oh, how cute, now you can walk in there with bare feet!"
So, I threw on some socks that happened to be in my car (yes, people, I am highly aware my car is a hot mess, but hey, it was useful today haha) and walked into the studio with a big old smile on my face.
You have to understand that by this point, my usual self would have been embarrassed, pissed, and simply drained of all self-confidence. That is just my usual reaction to these tinny annoyances in life.
So I was quite impressed at the fact that I felt none of these things as I set up my mat at the front of the classroom. I felt quite the opposite, actually. I felt happy, light hearted, confident, optimistic, and even a bit playful. So I used all these wonderful feelings to lead the class. And I have to say, it has been to date, the single most wonderful class I have taught. There was a wonderful energy in the classroom, and  all my little yogy students were brave and open to grace through the whole class. The class ended on such a happy note, I had forgotten all the crazy little inconveniences of the day, and had gone on to have the best day.
Work was lovely, lunch was easy, conversations were comfortable, I mean, the whole day had turned out to be a huge blessing. And then, I felt sickly. My stomach was churning, I wanted to pass out, I felt feverish, etc. I was so upset, I considered skipping my p.m yoga class (one being lead by a wonderful yogi) and simply passing out at home. But for some reason, every time I got up to go home, I simply sat back down, looked at my yoga mat and reconsidered. This little dance went on for a bit, until my mat finally won, and practically drove me, on its own, to the yoga studio. So I walked in happy and giddy again, because I had "showed up" and the class was so very comfortable, lovely, and all around wonderful to me. I was so focused, I really forgot there were other people around me and just followed my breath all the way through.
It is so amazing to me how the littlest things in our lives can make such a huge impact. I keep realizing day by day that it is all ok, all a part of life, all something we should be open to.
Sure, we will have days when that laugh will evade us, and when anger, loneliness, sadness, and a myriad of negative thoughts and emotions will be present in us. But it is what we chose to do with those moments, those emotions, that really matters. We can either choose to sink deeply into them (like Artax on "The Never Ending Story) (and yes, I went there) or, we can choose to push on, to open up to grace, and to be present. 
We can choose to have a not so perfect, wonderful day :)

NAMASTE

Read the Ingredients Lists

Ok, so, this Sunday, Eric and I went to Whole Foods to shop; and can I just say, I looooooove the place! It makes my life ten times simpler, and happier to know that most (if not all) of the products they sell are good and good for you. Is it  a bit more expensive? Sure, but hey, when you think about how you are helping to keep your body healthy by eating right so that you don't have to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars in Dr's bills later on, I'd say the few extra bucks are worth it.
That being said, however, I will admit, we do not shop there all the time (when there is no money, there is no money) so, when we don't shop at this heavenly place, all I do is pay extra close attention. I read the labels carefully (and yes, this does drive the hubby kinda nuts, but again, totally worth it) I make sure to buy seasonal produce, I buy the things that need to be organic, and I stock up on leafy greens.
So, since I know most people (me included) are not fully aware of what products or ingredients are hurting them, or what to avoid, or buy organic, etc, I have decided to put together a little list to help you shop :) The key thing to this is: READ THE INGREDIENTS LISTS! Because, I don't care how much a product boasts of "0" this or that, their goal, is not to be truthful to that little statement, it is to sell you the product. And these marketing companies know you are all dieting and looking for the latest fads out there like "low fat", "no fat" "fat free", etc. So, ignore the front, and go straight to the truth of the product (what it is really made of/the ingredients) 
Here are the lists :) Hope they can be of help to you too. [A good book to read to help with this too is "Skinny Bitch"]

Produce you MUST purchase ORGANIC: (these have a higher amount of pesticides than most produce items, so you should buy them organic)
-Peaches                -Kale
-Apples                  -Lettuce
-Bell Peppers         -Grapes
-Celery                   -Pears
-Nectarines            -Carrots
-Strawberries         -Cherries

11 Worst Food Additives (If you see any of these on the ingredients lists of whatever item you are looking at, even if it boasts to be healthy, put the item down, and walk, no, run away from it)
-Artificial Colors - Blue1, Blue2, Red3(erythrosine), Green3, Yellow5 (Tartrazine) and Yellow6
-Artificial Sweeteners - Acesulfame-K, Saccharin, Equal, Splenda, NutraSweet, Swee'NLow, sucralose, sorbitol and aspartame
-Benzoate (BHA) Preservatives and BHT Preservatives
-Brominated Vegetable Oil (BVO)
-Potassium Bromate
-Propylene Glycol and Propyl Gallate
-Sodium Nitrate and Sodium Nitrite
-Monosodium Glutamate (MSG)
-Olestra
-High-Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS)
-Partially Hydrogenated Oils

These are Five Healthy Sweeteners you should and can buy :)
-Evaporated Cane Sugar       
-Sucanant
-Stevia                  
-Maple Syrup
-Agave Nectar              
-Honey

Again, hope it helps :)
xoxo

Murky Waters Ahead

I don't know why, but I woke up wanting to be challenged today.
So, I found a nice little anusara class online (one that involved lots of hip openers) and began my practice. Little did I know how much would come to the surface because of this seemingly insignificant choice (to take this particular class). See, the hing is, I am not particularly fond of all hip openers (infact, I have a very thriving love/hate relationship with pigeon) but I also know that I really need more of them in my life, which was exactly what led me to pick this practice today.
The teacher (a lovely soul by the way) started class by telling a story, and by asking us all to be present, open up to grace, and say "yes" rahter than our usual "no". So, as we began, I kept reminding myself to really let go, be present, open up to grace, and say yes. And the practice felt beautiful, I kept thinking "I can do anything! I am super yogi!" and then, we came to pigeon... and the super yogi's brave heart skipped a beat. I immediately submerged myself in a lake of fear, anger, pain, resistance and resentment toward the teacher (for putting me in this crazy pose for so freaking long) and towards myself (for feeling all these things to begin with, when I was supposed to be saying yes).
So, I swam through this lake, and submerged myslef back into it all over again as we swithced to the other leg. It was horrible. I thought my hips were going to come out of their sockets, my anger and resistance kept escalating, and all I could do was think "breathe, maybe she will bring you to savasana once she is done torturing you" So I did, I breathed my way through the lake the second time, and came up for air when the teacher said to come out of the pose.
And then, just when I thought I was safe, shazzam! Eka Pada Sirsasana (modified, leading up to full expression) I was in that lake again. I was enjoying the pose, but I was so frustrated at who knows what, that I kept pushing the happy little girl inside me away, and giving way to the closed off grump instead. I really only let that little girl come out again when I realized I was pushing her away. (which was about half way through the pose) Once I did make room for her, Eka Pada Sirsasana became a joyful experience.
Don't worry, I won't walk you through the entire practice, because it will take too long. But I will say this, by the time we were done twisting and opening our hips, and we came to sitting meditation, I was no longer angry, frustrated, scared, or closed off. I was in a blissful world. I was peaceful, happy, open, and finally able to say "yes". Yes, I see now, yes, I am willing to let go, yes I am open and vulnerable and yes, I am.
Funny thing about this class, was, that I realized how I tend to do this in my daily life. I have a tendency to look at hardships as "evils" when in reality, they are simply there to help me reach a better place. I had, of course, heard a myriad of people explain this in many different ways before, and on some level, I thought I understood and mastered this concept. But the truth is, I realize now how clueless I have been.
So, yes, it sucks to be in a bad place, it is absolutely terrifying to go through anything that will cause even the slightest pang of pain. But if we learn to breathe, observe, open up to grace, and allow the true love and peace inside to come out, then the hardships become more of a polishing (like when you need to polish silver in order to let the silvery item shine bright and clean).
And if we really learn to find a way through the murky, painful waters, we are able to swim out of them, and onto a world of possibilities, love, forgiveness, growth, and an infinite iridescence that comes from with in to guide us through the next patch of murky waters.

Easier said than done? Sure, but that is why we practice ;)

भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि ।

Who needs a magic carpet, when you have a yoga mat?

So this weekend, I had the pleasure and honor of practicing with the great Doug Swenson, and with a group of incredible yogis and yoginis :)
I have to say, I had no idea what to expect from this weekend, so I decided to go in just as I was, with no expectations, simply open to grace. And I am glad I did, because this weekend was simply wonderful.
I have always been fascinated by fantasy, adventure, etc. Which is one of the many reasons why "Aladdin" is one of my all time favorite Disney movies. And today, after a heart warming, really invigorating Ashtanga with Doug, I decided to listen to "A Whole New World" on my way back home (you know the song if you have seen the movie), and then it hit me. 
My magic carpet ride began the second I opened my yoga mat and began my practice in earnest. Only, I didn't realize it until recently. I have commenced my very own adventure, and  I have to say, so far, it has been a wondrous ride. "Every moment red-letter" says the song, haha, well I agree! :)
It hasn't got anything to do with the asanas, well, let me take that back, because the asanas are also a very crucial part of it; so I will rephrase.... Sure, the asanas have been a big part of the adventure(a fun, challenging and very rewarding part), but there have also been seven other wonderful aspects to this adventure of mine, to this beautiful yoga tree I have planted in the ground.
A world, "...shinning, shimmering, splendid..." this beautiful song says. And boy is it true. To look at the world from the edges of my mat has made such a big difference in my life. I mean, the fact that I could partner up, with pretty much any one in the studio with complete trust, already says something about me has completely changed (because not too long ago, I would never have let even the teachers come near me. I just would not have trusted anyone. Not one bit)
"...take you wonder by wonder..." also a part of the song, and also, such a true part about my personal yoga practice. It's been so interesting, finding a way to take all I learn in the four corners of my mat and take it into the world. To be able to see things differently, to know I can choose to do or not do, whatever. A wonder, the feelings that come out after a practice, the tears of happiness, the love, the utter peace and simple quiet. 
"...when did you last let your heart decide?..." The last line that really brought it home for me today. Because for as long as I can remember, I have been putting me (not the actress me, not the wife, the daughter, sister, coworker, etc. but the real ME) aside. Not really listening, not really feeling, not really opening up. But, as you have read from my previous blog, this all started to change for me this year; and it continues to change, and ebb, and flow (much like the flow of a vinyasa) and morph and grow, and open, and I have to say, I can not get enough of it. It has been wonderful, and I know that there is more coming, more magic, more love, more trust, more adventure, more pixie dust, and just... MORE.
So, who needs a magic carpet; when you have a yoga mat? 

OM SHANTI ♥

Sapha's Healthy French Toast Recipe!!!

Ok, so, I won't lie, I a pretty excited today.
Doug Swenson is coming tot Cherry Blossom this weekend and I am going to have the honor of attending three of his amazing workshops!!! YAY YOGA!!!!
So, since I am betting I will need tons of energy, and also just because I feel happy, I decided to skip the usual breakfast (which btw is quite yummy) and make myself a special treat... French Toast!!! But not just any french toast, my very own Healthy, Vegan French Toast!!!!
So, with out further a due, I give you, yummyness :) Enjoy

What you will need:
Yogi Granola Crisps (whatever flavor you desire, I used strawberry)
Whole wheat bread
1 small organic apple
4 strawberries
1/3 cup of coconut milk
2/3 almond milk (original or vanilla, your choice)
1/4 tsp cinamon
3/4 tsp organic evaporated cane juice sugar
1/4 tsp organic vanilla extract
1tbsp earth balance

Batter:
In a blender (or magic bullet) add the apple, strawberries, coconut milk, cinnamon, cane sugar, almond milk and vanilla extract. [Make sure its not chunky]

*Crush the yogi crisps into tinny little pieces
*Place a bit of the earth balance on a pan and heat till melted (add rest of earth balance as needed)
Get Cooking:
Once the batter is ready, take it out of the blender and place it in a bowl. Then soak the whole wheat bread in it, than take the slice of bread out, and either sprinkle the yogi crisps on top, or smash one side onto the crisps for more fun ;).
Then, place the bread onto the skillet and flip once its nice and brown on first side. Once both sides are brown and ready, take them out :)

Ok, so, you see, it is quite simple and I must say, very very yummy. Bon Apetit

In Honor of Breasts Everywhere

Ok people. As you all know (unless you have been living under a rock) October is breast cancer awareness month. So, in honor of breasts everywhere, I am recommending some pretty awesome deodorants with... wait for it... NO ALUMINUM in them!!!! Can you say, "boob love"?
Ok, lets start:

*****Totally Pure Deodorant by Origins - This little wonder got me through several days of intense heat    in DisneyWorld FL and also in the Bahammas and the Caribbean, thank you very much :). The best part was people actually telling me how nice I smelled and how they wanted to know the name of my perfume (little did they know, I was wearing no perfume hahaha)
Highly, highly recommended!!!! FIVE STARS and way Boobie friendly :)


****Aromaco Deodorant by LUSH - Also fantastic. And I find the best thing to do with this is, to add some "The Greeench Deodorant Powder" or "Coconut Deodorant Powder" on top of it, this combo is way, way effective 


***T'eo Deodorant by LUSH - So incredibly good, even the hubby likes to wear it every now and then ;)

**Alba Deodorant Sticks - These are great, but I found that mine stopped working quite as effectively as before after about 4 months. Still would recommend though

*Lavalin - ok, here is the deal. I have heard that for some people, this deodorant can work for up to seven days straight with out needing to reapply. I am sad to say, I am not one of those people, because in my case, although I gave it a good month's try, it seemed to just make things even, dare I say it, stinkier! So, if you are brave, give it a go. Who knows, you may be one of those seven day people

Ok people, those are my recommendations to help save your lovely breasts and keep you smelling lovely all day. Hope you like them, and don't forget, if you love your boobs, avoid aluminum!

XOXO

Morphing Perspectives

I'm amazed by the change my life has taken this year. Amazed and incredibly thankful.
Exactly a year ago, I was having full on panic attacks on a pretty regular basis. I was insecure, self-conscious,  angry, afraid and all around, a flipping hot mess.
I had no idea where my life was headed (and had an early mid-life crisis because of this). I was pretty much always in a horrible mood (and letting everyone around me know it) and I was making it a point to avoid all mirrors and/ or reflective surfaces of all kinds, to say nothing of avoiding clothing stores all together, so as not to want to punch the creators of size "0".
Now, I could go on a three freaking page rant about how the media has damaged my very fragile self-image, and how every time I look at a magazine, movie, or clothing catalog, I want to rip my body open and scrape every ounce of fat off so I can look like "them". But I simply don't want to.
Not that I don't firmly believe society has taken its little search for perfection too far, because I most certainly do, and I really do feel sickened by it; but the truth of the matter is, I FINALLY find that none of it truly matters the way I though it did for so long.
Funny, I still can't believe I am typing this, but it happens to be true; so true, it makes my heart flutter with a joy it has not felt in a very long time.
So, how did I go from being your average yo-yo dieter/eating disorder ridden little girl to being... well, a truer version of the real me? Frankly, I can't pinpoint one single moment or event. All I can say, is that I decided to "morph my perspective" of things.
That may sound wishy washy to you, but the thing is, it really is true.
The first step I took, was to stop obsessing over the number on the scale. I stopped the daily voices of "Look how fat you are", "You need to starve to lose weight", "If you are going to eat that, you need to do at least five hours of cardio", etc and I changed them to: "Lets eat healthy" and "I want to be able to live life to the fullest, no sickness, no worries, just live it" and "Scale? What is that?"
I also discovered the most amazing jewel in the world, and I took it, to make it mine. Yoga.
And I devoted myself to it. (or so I thought) Practicing twice a day, urgently wanting to move on from being a beginner to at least an intermediate practitioner. I even woke up one morning thinking, "Wow, I could really go for an egg plant sandwich right now" (which for those who don't know me, was very rare until this year, because I was an Atkins girl. I was meat, meat, and meat all the way, I loved meat), and so I looked up what yogis ate and discovered, most yogis were vegan or vegetarian [insert light-bulb moment please] and so, I decided, I would become a ovo-lacto-pescetarian and be as light as possible for my practice. And so began my journey. And pretty soon, I began to notice a difference. I was no longer anxiety ridden (mind you, this also had a TON to do with my wonderful brother hiring me to work for him, because my other job had literally been killing me) I was less grouchy, I was not sickly anymore, I was stronger, felt lighter, happier, and more confident. I truly couldn't believe how great I was feeling. And I thought I had it all perfectly in hand form that moment on. [Little did I know how I would be tested]
The funny thing was, once I thought I had mastered the little voices inside my head, once I was confident and healthy, and, yes, a little cocky, I came across a beautiful actress, at a movie premier, and then my world came crushing down around me. All my voices came slamming right back! My confidence went out the window, my body forgot all I had been teaching it though my yoga practice, and so did my mind and soul. It was like I was being devoured by it all! I immediately attacked myself, "See, that is how skinny an actress needs to be. That is why you never get cast.", "If you were that poised, and slender, you would be able to get that movie" "You are fat!" "Why are you standing there!, run! burn calories! go!" "I bet you she can act better than you" "Look how gorgeous she is. You look like a rat next to her! and she is so much more the embodiment of movies than you are" And then, the tension began, I wanted to hide, wanted to run out of the event, wanted to disappear, wanted to starve or diet again, instead of eating grains, and legumes (because they had surely made me even fatter with out me even knowing it). It was awful. All my "work" all I thought I had overcome, all of it, came back to haunt me, and it completely broke me. In fact, I put myself through such a horrible mess, that I made myself sick. And not just any sick, I am talking full-on fever, throat infection, flu, kinda sick.
And yes people, we can make our selves sick.
So, after the "run-in" I went back to my hotel to cry desperately until a little voice in my head went, "Enough!" "You are enough!" "You don't need to be any one else" "YOU are a beautiful, loving, talented, amazing woman, and you do not deserve this abuse. You deserve better." "You deserve to love yourself just the way you are" and with that, I took a deep breath, did some asanas, and went to sleep.
But the damage had been done, I had mentally harassed myself to the point of sickness, so, I woke up feeling rotten, and was forced to stay in my hotel room (mind you, I was in the beautiful Dominican Rpublic, conducting interviews for Poema de Salvación, which was a lot of fun!)
But God sent me an angel. (She knows who she is, but just for confidentiality purposes, I will only call her "angel" in this post). I had only met Angel two days before, but I instantly loved her. She is the kind of woman who lights up a whole room just by showing up and smiling, and I knew instantly that we would hit it off. So, I was very relieved to know that she would stay with me, and care for me while I was sick. But I had no idea, she was going to be the biggest gift for me this year.
In my sickly delirium, Angel and I got to talking (and crying) quite a bit. In fact, we talked (and cried) all day long. And she saw the broken person in me. I don't know how, but she saw the reason for the sickness (not only the physical sickness, mind you) and she confronted me about it. Well, more accurately, she opened my eyes to reality.
Staring with the fact that, as much as yoga really had helped me, I was still approaching it as a crutch, much the same way I could have chosen to use P90X or Slim in 6 to lose weight. Sure, I was opening up to grace and really letting the philosophy touch me at a deeper level, but the thing was, I still needed to morph my perspective even deeper. I needed to let go completely, not just a little bit. So, Angel, took me over to a full-bodied mirror, and, yes, you guessed it, she made me take a hard look at myself, and boy, do I have to tell you, that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But once I was done fighting it, once I truly opened up to it and simply let go, a calm swept over me, a calm that has followed me ever since.
I don't know how to explain it, and I do apologize for the length of the tale, but truthfully, this is the cliff notes version, so, yeah. But I digress, it was a wonderful moment that made me realize, everything happens for a reason, and morphing our perspective (really changing how we perceive things, and not just pretending that we do) really can change our lives.
It is all about choosing to really let go of the negative things in our lives, and really looking at our true selves with loving eyes. The moment we shift our perspective, the world changes, and we can begin to change along with it.
No longer did I see my yoga as a way to lose weight, but I began to see if for what it truly was, a way to bring body, mind and spirit together, a way to change myself and the world around me, a way to truly live. From this moment on, I loved my-self, and decided to listen to my-self, truly listen.
So, instead of forcing my-self to become an"intermediate" or "advanced" practitioner, I decided to simply listen to my body, and realized that the asanas are only one limb of the beautiful yoga tree that I have decided to cultivate.
The same went for the food. No longer was it a matter of "oh, I do yoga and yogis eat this", it had actually become something my body asked for. I had listend to my body, and realized, it liked veggies, it liked being a vegetarias, and it liked feeling healthy, so I listened, and have kept on listening ever since.
Now, I won't lie, I am human and still have my insecure, "bad inner voices" moments, but I can catch my-self more easily now, and I can change my perspective more creatively than I could before.
So, yes, I am still growing, and I love that. I am still learning, and will continue to morph as time goes by.

NAMASTE