Lessons from the Seder

Another year, another lovely Passover with the family has come and gone. Yet some of the lessons from the seder remained in my soul and demanded further inspection upon unrolling my mat each morning for the past couple of days.
Having always been a big fan of this holiday, I considered myself not an expert, but at the very least a very good student of the story of freedom narrated through out the night. I thought I understood why we tell the story of Moses, who aided by God, was able to free the people of Israel from slavery, I thought I had a full grasp on why we talk about the plagues, hide the afikomen, drink several cups of wine, eat the unleavened bread and the bitter herbs, and wait for Elijah to come by as a messenger of things to come.
However, what I had not considered was the fact that I had no earthly clues as to why we continuously asked the youngest person in the room to ask “the 4 questions”, which are as follows:
1) On all other nights we eat either leavened or unleavened bread; why on this night only unleavened bread?
2) On all other nights we eat all kinds of herbs; why on this night only bitter herbs?
3) On all other nights we need not dip our herbs even once; why on this night must we dip them twice?
4) On all other nights we eat either sitting up or reclining; why on this night do we all recline?
The questions had always seemed dreary and useless to me, as I, and anyone who has ever attended a Passover seder for more than 16 year in a row, would know the answers by heart at this point and therefore would feel, as I did, that the redundant nature of the questions every year was a bit over the top.
These questions are answered by the man (or woman) leading the seder in a peculiar manner. Rather than addressing the questions head on, a story about 4 children is told. “One wise, one wicked, one simple and one who does not know how to ask a question”
None of this had ever made sense to me or really mattered much to me since, in my estimation, I knew all there was to know about the story and felt bored to hear these questions over and over, year after year.
However, this year, something interesting happened. The morning after the Passover feast, I unrolled my mat, and as soon as I sat down to breathe, before I even moved an inch, it hit me. I was the four children.
The 4 questions had served as a way for me to come to the realization that in my life, I have acted as each one of these children.
The wicked child asks, what does this drudgery mean to you. This, is a clear statement that what those around him are doing is not his concern, and that he is in some way above, beyond or simply separate from those around him. And like the wicked child, I have been wicked in thinking (at different stages in my life) that what is important to others should not be my concern, or in thinking that I am in any way better than or simply separate from others around me, when in reality, we are all at our very core one and the same.
Over the last years of my life, through the practice of yoga, I have been able to learn that the illusion of separateness is just that, an illusion, and it can be dispelled when we are willing to realize how we are all in essence one and the same, how loving one another, hurting when the other one hurts, and always wanting to keep ahimsa can change the way we relate to ourselves and others on a day to day basis.
It has always been painful to me to hear people state that those who are homeless “choose to be this way because they are too lazy to work and earn a living” or to hear people say that “what happens in other countries is not our business and we should not get involved” or that “giving money to a charity is nothing but a scam waiting to happen” and now that I realize that one person’s pain and suffering affects the whole of humanity, I understand why. Unfortunately, I do find that in many ways, the wicked child in me utilizes new ways to judge and create a barge between other beings and myself, so if I can stop asking, “what does this drudgery mean to you?” I can open myself to more compassion. I can open up to grace and feel allow myself to become connected to all creatures as opposed to feeling separate from them.
The simple son asks, “What’s this?” with no understanding of what is going on around him. In many ways, I feel I am this child more than any of the others, as I often find myself caught up in my life so deeply, that there can be a lack of awareness and knowledge of what goes on around me and in other people’s lives. But what if I made an effort to stay connected, to stay grounded, to listen, to learn and to be willing to always keep a beginners mind? I think that adding a sense of curiosity, in my case, the same sense of curiosity that I am filled with when learning about my practice, can help me see the world with a never ending willingness to learn and share with others around me.
The child who does not know how to ask, is simply given an answer and I think we can all admit to lacking the words, or the willingness to try to learn how to relate to others. In a world that can make us slightly apathetic, we can become complacent and lose our ability to learn or lose our want for knowledge. Something, that I think a beginners mind can also help with. However, the true dispelling of ignorance is knowledge, in this case (at least in my understanding) knowledge of the self will lead to wisdom and maturity, which is why the practice is so incredible. When we step on our mats, we embark on an internal journey, we allow our breaths to carry us into a state of meditative flow and we allow ourselves to go deep inside our bodies, minds and spirits, allowing us to come face to face with who we are at our very core. The more we practice, the more we are able to connect with ourselves, and those around us, and the more we connect, the more we learn, the more we grow and the more we can dispel the cobwebs of wickedness, simple-mindedness, and ignorance from our lives.
Which leads me to the wise child, the child I hope I can become through my practice. This child is understanding and empathetic, he has reached (in yogic terms) samadihi he has been able to allow the roots of the yoga tree to create fruit and through that, he has been able to find his Union with the Divine, which is ultimately, what our goal as yogis is, both on and off the mat.
So, as I allow my practice to grow, I will allow all 4 children with in to learn and evolve and open to grace so that when the time comes, they may all have evolved into one loving, wise child.

"Who is wise? He who learns from every person (Pirkei Avos 4:1)." Indeed, the classical title for a Torah scholar is 'Talmid Chacham' - a wise student.

Trying to Connect

This morning, as I sent a "have not tty in 4ever" text to one of my closest friends; who also happens to live but an hour or so away form me, a sad thought crossed my mind. “I have forgotten how to harvest, care for and grow successful human relationships!”

What's more, looking at the text messages that were sent to me by this same friend, I realized that we (as in humans as a whole) have all forgotten how to do this. How to maintain, care for and grow a truly meaningful relationship with those closest to us, and those who have the potential of becoming closer still.

How did we get like this? When did we replace meaningful conversation with emoticons and word abbreviations? Was it because of Facebook? Were we doomed with the advent of text messaging?

Why have we allowed our world to revolve around machines, rather than people? And why did it suddenly become more meaningful to “check-in” or “like” something rather than just experiencing things together, in the moment?

Why is it suddenly more crucial for us to have a billion friends whom we never talk to, don’t know anything substantial about, or even care for rather than having one or two really close, I know all about you and you know me better than I know myself people in our lives?

As a yogi I have learned that every time I step on my mat, I get a new chance to cultivate my practice. I get the opportunity to refine my breath, refocus on the ever-elusive bandhas, and really connect to every single muscle, tendon and ligament in my body at a deeper level.

I have slowly been learning that the practice is a living, breathing thing, and that from time to time, I will feel stiff, muddled, confused, angry, and emotional; while other times, I will feel as light as a feather, stronger and more stable than a mountain, and swear I had an out of body experience whilst in sirsasana.

I have realized that there is no true “advanced” or “super master” yogi, because we all spend day in and day out harnessing our practice, making it come to life, finding refuge and repose in the stillness and the quieting of the mind.

We all injure ourselves from time to time and find we must refine, nay, start our practice from scratch. We all learn something new every second of every day; both on and off the mat.

We learn from our selves, those around us, the sages before us and the challenges and blessing that surround us on a moment to moment basis.

In short, we have all embarked on a never ending journey. A blessing that we see as practice precisely because we are never done learning from it, harnessing it, or watching it grow with in and around us.

So, how is it, that we can put all this love, focus and effort into our journeys, but lack the awareness, the commitment, and the love to grow our relationships?

Have we become so self-centered, that, even when we realize our practice makes us better communicators (e.g: allowing our inversions to teach us that we have a chance to see things as they truly are, instead of how we perceive them to be) we chose not to have meaningful relationships, but rather short exchanges of meaningless information with those whom we claim to love so dearly?

Are we really wasting all our openness to grace on texting?

Did we really spend all that time on our mats, back-bending, grounding down, realigning and cleansing our bodies, minds and spirits, getting our hearts to open, so that we could forgive, and love more readily just to throw all our effort away in a one sentence conversation that may or may not take place once, maybe twice per week or month?!

This can not be!

How many hours have we spent breathing, and letting go of our egos on the mat? And what for? So that we do not get green with envy when another yogi is able to go deeper, for longer or just in a fancier manner than we can? So that we may remain injury free? So that there is nothing but the practice and the breath left, so we are able to live every moment as it is? Sure! But what about allowing that ego’s death to serve another purpose?

What if we took all that we learn on our mats, the killing of the ego, the opening to grace, the inversion of our points of views, the prana, the healing, the cleansing, and the ability to let go of attachments off the mat?

What if we remembered that all human relationships are also a practice?

What if we took a moment to see, and acknowledge the fact that, just as our pinchamayurasana will not magically appear, but needs to be harnessed daily, over a long period of time; so too, our human relationships need to be cared for, and harnessed on a daily basis in order for them to grow, and bloom as they are meant to.

What if we saw, and acknowledged that a simple “how ru?” text once every few days is not a real connection?! 

What if we put ourselves upside down for a while and considered that human relationships were once stronger, and more beautiful because we spent time on them! We nourished and cared for them, and we took the time to put some real effort into making them work.

Just as hard as you work to get those pesky badhas to respond when you are trying to jump through, so should you put some effort into making a real connection with those around you.

If we saw that all our friendships are part of our “practice”, would we devote more time and work into them?

Would we be able to pick up the phone and -dare I say something crazy- TALK!?! (Yes people, those lips and that tongue of yours are meant for more than little snide comments directed at your TV sets when Honey Boo-Boo’s “show” comes on. They are also meant for more than a smirk when you type “lol” on your keyboard or smart phone)

What if we all took time to actually leave our houses, go for a picnic and talk to our friends and family about life, about things that have nothing to do with television shows, or the latest FaceBook updates, or who we are following on Twiter or Tumblr, etc?

I can tell you from personal experience that, the times I have taken all my work off the mat into my marriage, or my family relationships, I have been in awe at how incredibly connected, loved, and complete I have felt.

I am able to catch myself falling into old habits and resentments (no, I am not perfect, and yes sometimes I do succumb to these habits) and see things clearly. I am able to disconnect from everything else and devote my attention, love and effort to the task at hand at that moment (talking to, listening to, spending time with whomever is with me at that very moment) and it has made a world of difference in my marriage and my relationship with my family.

So why stop there?

Why have I not put some of this work into my friendships as well?

Have I felt texting and “liking” and “sharing” have been cyber-connection enough? Not really.

But I have been prideful. I have resented the seldom texts, and the lack of meaningful conversations and as a childish response; I have decided to reciprocate in the same manner in which I have been “wronged”; which has now created a vicious circle that only I can break.

So from now on, whether it is reciprocated or not, my “texts” will be seldom, or at least carry some actual meaning, and my phone will be calling yours (you know, that thing you use to browse the web, update FaceBook, take pictures and video, etc. Yup, that magic box can be used to talk to an actual human being! Who knew… ahem…) and I will be asking when we can meet to actually interact face to face.

Radical, I know, but you know something, I think it is worth it. I think my practice needs to seep even deeper into my life, and so I will put more effort into my relationships, until a time comes, when we can all connect in a meaningful manner once again.

NAMASTE

Wake Up Call

I find it sad to realize how little people care anymore. When did the "its not our problem" mentality take over? 
 I remember how shocked/confused/grateful I was when we first made the move from Mexico to Miami and I realized; there were no kids or grown-ups in tattered clothes begging for money at every stop sign. No poor soul tossing dirty water on the windshield of our car in the hopes of earning a few pesos or cents. There were kids playing outdoors with out supervision; just being kids, ridding their bikes or skateboards or whatever, with out being afraid to get kidnapped. There were people acknowledging one another and neighbors bringing welcome baskets. In short, I though I was in paradise. 
But the problem with the paradise mentality (I have come to realize over the last few years) is that the people in paradise have a harder time seeing, acknowledging, or caring about all the suffering that still exists. 


Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying. I don’t mean that all people in America are selfish, or uncaring. All I’m saying is we have been in a way sheltered from all that plagues many countries with less good fortune than ours. And since, we don’t have much of this pain staring us right in the face on a daily basis, it is easy to forget.

Easy to say that homeless people are homeless because they are lazy (an argument I detest but hear from people constantly) It is easy for people to say what goes on in other countries, with people who are miles away, is "not our problem" or "not for us to fix".

Easy to begin to believe the lie that we can not get involved in other people’s pain because we have nothing to do with them and we should not stick our noses where they don’t belong.


It is easy to slander those trying to help because they must have a secret agenda (and unfortunately, some do because they don’t care for the right reasons or they have been approaching things from the wrong angle) or saying that they are only trying to "cure" or get rid of some "guilt" and that’s the only reason they want to help and therefore they are wrong. 


I mean; when did we forget to go beyond our white picket fences? When did we decide we are better than everyone else? When did we stop caring? When did we decide to turn a blind eye? And why? Why did we stop? Did we forget we are all, each and every one of us, important? Do we not see we are all alive? Why is it wrong to want to help? Why is it wrong to want to make a difference, to help others all over the world heal so they can live life in happiness?


Why is it more important for us to know very single detail (true and made up) about celebrities, but not about what goes on around the world? 
Why do we think it is ok to "pretend" to care and donate a few dollars here and there to some charity or another and not know or care what happens to our money or what they do with it? Why is it ok for people to throw lavish parties in “honor” of this or that when all the millions or thousands they spent on decorations, music and orderves can be put to much better use somewhere else? 


Since when is it more important to "have it all" and spend all our money on lavish, expensive ridiculousness (like private jet planes or million dollar purses) instead of helping to make a difference for someone, somewhere? (could even be someone in this country, town, city, neighborhood or community)


HELLO!!! WAKE UP!!! WE ARE ALL ONE!!!
We are all living, feeling creatures (and this extends to animals too by the way because torturing an innocent being for the sake of lipstick or so called necessary food is repulsive. just f.y.i.).

We all breathe the same air, share the same molecular space and inhabit the same freaking planet. 
 So no, you and I as individuals are not the only ones that matter. We... WE ALL MATTER! 
I think its time we all cared. Time we all stopped waging stupid wars and killing unnecessarily. Time we came together as one and helped one another. Why is this so hard? Why is it (apparently) too much to ask for? 
 Well, I know one thing, I may not be able to change the whole world, but I am able to change me.

So I care, I know we all matter. I can make a difference and I am aware and willing to help everyone, even in the smallest of ways. Because change starts from with in. Change starts with me.

Just some food for thought. ... This is what apparently happens when Glory wakes up crying at 5am and her pain cuts me so deeply, I suddenly become aware she may not be the only one crying right now. And the whole thing brings a chill and an acute awareness and sadness this morning.

Loka Samasta Sukino Bhavabtu.OM Shanti, Shanti, Shanti

Tales of Light and Dark

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Anyone who knows me well can tell you that I have a huge fascination with anything fairytale related. What can I say, they pull me in, and never let me go, these marvelous stories. But the truth is, as much as I love the Disney rendition of these tales, and I do love me some Disney, I am more of a purist at heart.

I would much rather know that the little mermaid dies, broken, and unloved, than believe that somehow, she manages to get the prince and live happily ever after.

I prefer the full Snow White story, where the step mom tries to strangle and poison the foolish girl who keeps falling for the same old trick.

I simply love the story of The Six Swans, where, upon discovering that her evil stepmother has enchanted her brothers; the heroine/princess has to make great sacrifices (not speaking, or laughing for years until she is done weaving six sweaters made out of starwort) in order to save her six brothers. [For those who don’t know the story, it is worth looking up because it is so very lovely and tragic all at once]

In short, I love the fairytales the way they were meant to be told. Filled with darkness, hardship, heartbreak and loss. Call me crazy, but this darkness is my favorite part of all the original fairytales out there.

So what is it exactly that makes me like this seemingly creepy aspect of the fairytales?

Life. And, in more recent years, my yoga practice.

Seriously, if there is one thing my practice has taught me, is that life is filled with ups, downs, twists and turns, light and dark. And one can not exist with out the other.

 If I were to simply step on my mat and suddenly gain all the strength, calm, balance, breath control and focus that I needed to yoga; there would be no point on me even trying. But the fact that inside of me is the potential for an infinite amount of possibilities that can only be reached through hard work, dedication, awareness, and an unwavering faith that all is exactly as it should be moment to moment; that simple reality makes every second on my mat magical and so very worth it.

Even if those seconds burn like hell, or make me cry, or make me see things differently.

And that is what I like about the practice. That those moments when I want to quit, when I am losing faith and want to give up; those are the moments that make my practice shine, the moments that take my soul, body and mind to a whole new level.

And those are the moments in fairytales and in life that really change it all.

If all our life was smooth sailing, I bet we would be bored to death, and we would never get a chance to grow, a chance to change and improve and become amazing. We would simply be stuck forever.

But the fact that the darkness comes and puts us through the ringer, only allows our light to shine brighter when we give ourselves the opportunity to move through the muck, to be aware and not to cave in and despair.

So the next time you hear a true fairy tale being told, and you find yourself cringing in disgust or horror; or the next time you want to say, this is too dark, I’d rather stick to the sunny part of it all; stop and see the true value of the darkness in the tale.

Because it isn’t there to terrify you or your kids, it is not there to traumatize and scar you for life; it is there to help you grow and make you braver, gentler, more aware and more loving. It is there to create an infinite realm of light and beauty around you. So sit back, and listen to the tale the way it was meant to be told, and I promise, you will never see things the same way again.

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
― Winston S. Churchill